My 5th Deathiversary!

Today, May 9, is my 5th Deathiversary! I am so happy to be alive, enjoying life, facing its adversity, becoming a better person, living my dreams, and accomplishing my goals. Five years ago , I suffered from “spells”--instances when my vision would blur then go white, my hearing would fail, I would become weak, feel ill and as if I had eaten in days. They were horrible and terrifying because I never knew when they would occur.
Then Mother’s Day morning arrived. I woke early to ready for the special church service, and greeted my dad before heading to the bathroom. As I began to undress, I started to have a spell. Frustrated, I tried to fight it off (at times I was successful in fending them off), and sat down on the close toilet. Things went black, and my last thought before collapsing was “This is wrong! It never goes black.” Then I was lost with no sight, no sound, no thoughts.
After some time, I found I was walking down a shadowed path cut between two towering mountains. The foliage was barely discernable in the faded light, and I had perfect peace. I was practically skipping with excitement, and I had one circular thought, “I am going home! I am finally going home!” Then behind me, I could hear my parents calling for me, begging me to come back, but I did not wish to. I wanted to go home so very badly., so I kept walking .
A voice I can only describe as crashing thunder and the softest caress said, “Kaitlin, it’s not your time. Turn back.”
I wanted to disobey the voice more than anything, but I found I had no choice, and witnessed myself--all shadow--walking back into the light. I saw my parents standing over me, shaking me , and then with a jolt, I was back in my body. I wanted to tell them to stop shaking me, tapping my face, but I couldn’t speak, let alone hold my head up or open my eyes. After a few more moments, I managed to get out a few words, and they helped me to bed where they helped me redress before rushing my to the hospital.
Tests for everything,, from cancer to seizures, were run but nothing showed up and the doctor’s could come up with no explanation for why a healthy, active, young girl would drop dead at fifteen years of age. It was at the hospital I learned the full story. Apparently after I had left dad to shower, twelve minutes passed and he did not hear the water running so he had gone to check on me, thinking I had returned to bed.
He saw me slumped against the sink, colorless, blue-lipped, without a pulse or heartbeat, and not breathing. I was cold to the touch and no responsive. He panicked, and that is when I heard them begging me to come back. When the details of my experience trickled back, I told my family doctor. He was stunned at all I had witnessed, and in a reverent tone, he said to my parents, “Your daughter is a living miracle.”
After this, I was terrified of living, tried to plan every detail, risked nothing, and cheated myself of living.
It was not until I fell in love with my best friend, Fox, and risked it all by telling him how I felt at seventeen that I truly started on my journey. He returned my feelings, and taught me so many lessons, like the best moments are those unplanned.
I let go of trying to plan on an uncertain future, started experiencing, stepping outside my comfort zone, and truly began to live! I became more outgoing, accomplished some of my goals, lived some of my dreams, made new friends, and achieved happiness despite the chaos of the last few years. I can never thank God for the second chance He has given me, and I hope that when I leave again, I will have left a mark on this world, changed at least one person for the better, and that all who know me can say “She truly lived.”

Kaiology 101

Hello! I’m Kaitlin aka Kai, and welcome to my space!

I am a twenty-nothing soon-to-be wife who finds amusement in everyday life, and life lessons in everyone I meet.
I am a Christian, and God is everything to me.
I’m a daughter.
I’m a sister.
I’m a friend.
I’m in love with my best friend Fox, and consider myself blessed to be marrying him September 19, 2009.
I’m a reformed doormat.
I’m mildly OCD.
I laugh whenever possible--even if it’s at myself.
I’m a militant pacifist.
I tend to be sarcastic.
I tend to be a little eccentric, but with everything from royalty to cattle rustlers in my ancestry, I could hardly be faulted.
I’m as unique as I am average.
I’m childlike, not to be confused with childish.
I’m awed and excited by the smallest things.
I don’t believe that anything or anyone is “ordinary.”
I read the works of Shakespeare by the age of eleven, THEN Nancy Drew…I still haven’t quite figured that one out.
I’m a story teller, and am writing a novel, well, two to be exact.
I love art--photography, drawing, painting, jewelry-making, crafting, upcycling, basic metal work, etc.
I have too many passions and only one lifetime…My main focus, currently, is psychology and troubled youth counseling.
I own more records than CDs.
I love movies!
I love to watch old black-and-white movies with the sound turned off so I can make up the story with my sisters.
I’m outgoing and reserved.
I’m a realist and a dreamer.
I love children, and they seem to love me.
I am rhythmically challenged.
I cannot cook to save my life…or yours, but I’m working on it!
I tend to view the world through my camera’s lens.
I love the rain--the sound as hit’s a metal roof, kissing in it, dancing in it, walking under trees as the raindrops slip through the leaves and branches.
I love storms, and watching them from a window.
I love to swing, especially by the river.
I love ice cream.
I love fireworks.
I love cotton candy.
I am even starting to like anime thanks to my nerdy mister and friends.
I like video games like Guitar Hero, Phoenix Wright, and Touch Detective.
I’m proud to be an American, but I’m not proud of my government.
I’m anti-war.
I love searching for the truth and finding answers to difficult questions.
I am a melting pot, but predominantly Cherokee and Irish.
I was once stalked by a butterfly.
I died nearly five years ago on Mother’s Day.
I speak Spanish fluently in my sleep.
I can’t wear watches because those that come in contact with me for extended periods of time stop working.
I can do what Mario Andretti can…in a golf cart.
I’m simply complex and naturally inquisitive.
I’m a helpless optimist and hopeful romantic.
I’m a rebel without applause.
I’m down to earth.
I view myself as a work-in-progress, and am constantly working to improve who I am.
I always see the good in life even when its misbehaving.
I want to make the most of my life and help others make the most of theirs.
I sometimes turn Southern when I become angry...and start dropping G's left and right. For example: "Guessing" becomes "guessin'" ironically, however, foreigners have asked me if I am from their countries…
I can never stay angry, and always forgive.
I'm insulted by stupidity.
I’m extremely empathetic.
I can lend an ear, as long as I get it back.
I’m honest and loyal to a fault.
I want to make a difference because a difference was made in me.
I’m me because everyone else was taken.
I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.