My Family and Revelations

Disclaimer: I will never in this blog talk about or reveal personal problems in my relationship. However, if it is relevant to a lesson, I will touch on the surface of it, and provide what was learned. I would feel anything more than that would be a betrayal to him, and to us both.

I won’t lie…Fox and I have been having serious problems lately, so serious that we have come very close to ending things more than once (and that is something that has never occurred in 3 years we have been together), and are taking things slow with the wedding that is just under four months away. Our central issue is that he worries he won’t be able to make me happy, and while he has his insensitive side, and we have our differences, I have never met a more thoughtful person, or anyone who suits me nearly so well. He genuinely makes my happiness and wellbeing paramount, and looks out for me before anyone else, including himself. While his doubts have planted seeds, I have been working on things with him. I have known him since I was 14, been friends with him since I was 15, in love with him since I was 16, dating him since I was 17, and engaged to him since I was 18 so he has always been a part of my life, an integral part of my life.
I have never believed in “the one,” or “one true love.” There may be just one person for some, but the human heart is capable of loving more than one person, even at the same time because there is not one kind of love. So sure maybe he’s right and there is someone else out there for me, but I chose him. I never used to believe this, the eternal romantic I was, but the more you live the more you learn. Fox is my first deep, abiding love, and while there are elements to our relationship that aren’t perfect, we aren’t perfect either, and have many more positive elements.
The starter on my car went out, so I had to take it to the shop. His mom set it up with her mechanic and since Fox is the primary on the insurance, the key tag had both our surnames on it. I have to admit, I haven’t taken it off. I like looking at it, seeing both of our names…Then, today I was spending time with him at his parents’ house, and his brother, sister-in-law, sister, paternal grandmother, and great aunt came over for a cook out. I love his family-- well, maybe not his sister and sister-in-law so much, but they aren’t the easiest to get along with. His brother was talking about the “original P{insert family name}s” and everyone was laughing because the originals are, of course, dead. And then they started ticking off the Ps.
His Aunt Julia looked at me and smiled, “Kaitlin’s the ninth P.”
Everyone agreed.
I cannot put into words just how much that meant to me. They have always made me feel as part of the family since the beginning, and here they were openly counting me as part of the P family…I told Fox that while we’re still taking things slow, that it was then that I realized that I still wanted that, to be a part of his family. All the things have combined in the last few days to give me the answer I have been searching for: I don’t want to end things with him. While it’s true that he won’t always make me happy, it’s also true that I won’t always make him happy, and it really isn’t his responsibility to make sure I am incandescently happy every second of every hour of every day.