Dentists: Agents of Evil

Today was simply wonderful. If you don't catch the sarcasm, a 800 pound woman named Olga will sneak up on you, and smack you senseless. I had a final dentist appointment today that would last an hour. Did I mention that my dentist's office is located in the butt crack of West Virginia? In that town, there are no "town weirdos," because they're all rather strange.
I was not looking forward to the visit at all, as last time half of my face (even my eyeball) was numb for the rest of the day because her assistant got injection-happy. I had this awesome Al Capone sneer going, but my smile was worthless.

This time they numbed pretty much everything that could be numbed. My tongue felt like it weighed five pounds, and I couldn't feel my lips or face. The assistant--I named her Bloody Mary for the flossing incident of '06, which I'll leave to everyone's clever imaginations--tried to talk to me during the procedure. Okay, I am numb, my tongue and lips are useless, my mouth is held open by a torturous plastic "thingy," and there's a drill in my mouth. I've been told I'm a wonderful conversationalist, but even I'm not that good.

They're shrouded, goggled, and masked as if I am going to contaminate them with cooties or something. They leave me virtually uncovered with tooth dust flying in my contacts. What fun. I learned never to close your eyes when you're at the dentist because they think they killed you. They almost did, I'm sure. I found out that my dentist has husband issues. His voice gives her an instant headache, and she's tired of long days with people in her lap. Okay....And I thought the redneck on parole in the waiting room with punched-lose teeth, and no reading ability had it bad.

After they had finished, I tried to speak, but garbled noises came out...I take pride in my speaking ability, but it was gone for hours. I spoke only when needed, as I sounded like a 3 month old. As if stealing my smile last time wasn't bad enough, they took my speaking ability. This crap lasts six hours.
I found many photo opportunities--strange people (go figure), a burned out store and mannequin (I made the arson investigator kinda suspicious), and a house painted like the American flag (um, don't know what to make of that).

When the opportunity presented itself, I also studied for my math class...